School has been out for 2.5 weeks and already Lily is asking when she can go back. Meanwhile, if you mention school to Mia she screams and says, "No! You can't make me go to school!"
We had swim lessons in the afternoon for the last two weeks and this week Lily has Art Camp at our church. She's very creative and loves art.
Mia has 2 days of MDO this week so Mommy gets to breathe for 3 hours between dropping her off and picking Lily up. I guess I better get used to it...When we get Samuel I won't be away from him at all for like 6 months. Definitely need to invest in a jogging stroller.
I was looking at the calendar the other day and noticed that we will be home for 1 week this summer. Meaning a full week where we have absolutely nothing to do.
We leave for California in a few weeks for Disneyland and Sea World but haven't told the girls, SO I can't wait to to see their faces when we get on the airplane. We're not telling them about Disney and Sea World, just that we're going to California for vacation.
We haven't heard any news on the adoption.
There and Back Again: The Rhoden's Bulgarian Adoption
Wednesday, June 6, 2012
Thursday, May 24, 2012
Stickin' It Out
So, we've decided to stick it out. Don't ask why...we're nuts...well on our way to becoming 2 eggs short of a dozen.
We recently had the opportunity to switch programs to a brand new Moldova program which promises a referral within 12 months from time of dossier submission. After looking at everything that it would involve, more paperwork, a transfer fee, more money, more fingerprints, a third trip, etc, we were reassured by our agency that the BG program is still functioning and that we were still on track to receiving a referral within the next year.
Now, time-wise that means the programs would be about the same, as long as BG does what it's supposed to.
Garry and I were led to the BG program many years ago. Until the program fails, well, we're committed, or stuck, I haven't quite decided which term to use yet.
So, pray for our sanity...because yes, despite what those who are on too much happy medicine tell you, adoption makes you crazy.
*We've been registered 14 months with BG
We recently had the opportunity to switch programs to a brand new Moldova program which promises a referral within 12 months from time of dossier submission. After looking at everything that it would involve, more paperwork, a transfer fee, more money, more fingerprints, a third trip, etc, we were reassured by our agency that the BG program is still functioning and that we were still on track to receiving a referral within the next year.
Now, time-wise that means the programs would be about the same, as long as BG does what it's supposed to.
Garry and I were led to the BG program many years ago. Until the program fails, well, we're committed, or stuck, I haven't quite decided which term to use yet.
So, pray for our sanity...because yes, despite what those who are on too much happy medicine tell you, adoption makes you crazy.
*We've been registered 14 months with BG
Tuesday, April 17, 2012
The Realization
So it's been awhile since I've updated but I've had loads to think about during that time.
We are all updated in BG, so we're back to waiting now.
So...what I'm about to say may seem a little rude. I don't mean to offend anyone or upset anyone, but being that this is my blog I should be able to say what I want. Correction, I will say what I want.
International Adoption sucks. No I don't mean the principle. No I don't mean the idea. I mean the actual execution of adopting. I don't mean this post to criticize governments or be a Debbie Downer. I simply want people to know the reality. It ain't pretty. If you can read this and still feel led to adopt internationally then I think you've had a "God calling" as such.
You should also know that I am not addressing this to those who have been unable to get pregnant and have adopted internationally by choice after going through a horrendous diagnosis. I DO NOT and WILL NOT pretend to have any idea how you feel/felt. The following is not for you and I would advise that you stop reading now.
Now that I am done with all the disclaimers, (occupational hazard of being an attorneys wife) we can move on.
1. The Pre-Adoption process
From the home study, to waiting for USCIS approval, from updating medicals and FBI clearance letters to fingerprinting. The "pre-process" of international adoption is ridiculous. Garry and I joke (but we're really actually serious) that everyone who gives birth should be required to complete the same requirements as those who adopt. I bet a million bucks people would be thinking twice about having babies.
-Provide all health insurance information: 800,000 people down
-Provide all life insurance information: 600,000 people down
-Provide background checks from every state and country that you have resided in for more than 6 months- 700,000 people down
-Provide your household budget as well as all monetary holdings: 500,000 down
You get my point. Filing out paperwork vs birth control. Which is easier? and cheaper?
2. The Waiting
Waiting is a pain in the butt. We all know this. You never hear someone say in an enthusiastic voice, "I can wait to go the Hawaii!!!!!!"
As Americans, in particular, we've grown up in a society of instant gratification. And although we "A"types complain about our governments efficiency, compared to the foreign governments of those countries, we're smooth as butter and they're like trying to rub nuts on toast.
Basically we get everything in what? 10-12 weeks. I would like a passport. That will be 10-12 weeks. I would like a FBI clearance letter please. That will be 10-12 weeks.
Foreign adoption is NOT, I mean NOT like this. To get something in 10-12 weeks is like raising Lazarus from the dead. It rarely happens. It took 4 months for us to get translated and registered with the country last year!
Garry and I have known half a dozen people or more, just in our church, who have started and completed domestic adoptions within 6-9 months. No seriously, I have girlfriend that got a kid after being registered for a month! I should say that none of them have had issues with birth mothers or dead-beat dads coming out of the wood work. What we always supposed about domestic adoption is not true. We met with a guy from church who handles all the dom. adoptions for this area. He told us we could easily have a child in less than a year.
However, we didn't want to go down the baby route again. My youngest had colic until 16 months and still doesn't sleep. Enough said on that.
He said the likelihood of getting a 12 month old or even a 2 year old was far-fetched.
Not to mention we have felt drawn to BG for a long time. It's not something that you just give up on because the road gets rough, and winding, and steep, and curvy, and holey (Is that a word?)
We still know we belong to this.
3. Trust (Faith)
I recently told my social worker, who is all-incompassingly encouraging, that I had complete trust in her and our agency. I know we made the right choice as far as that goes.
I also told her that I had faith that God has obviously brought us to this place to teach us something and that He will eventually deliver.
I did, however, tell her that I DID NOT trust the BGs. I have no reason to. They've given me no reason to. I don't know them. We've not friends that hang out at the local pub together. All I know is that foreign governments (all of them) change their minds like shoes. One day, you will be guaranteed that you will have a referral in 18-24 months. The very next day, you will be told to be prepared to raise that to 24-36 months. One day you're told that referrals are given based on compatibility with the adoptive parents and that how long you've been "registered" doesn't matter as much. The next day you're told that if you haven't been registered for at least 18 months then you will not get a referral. Shoes. Lots and lots of shoes.
What I find hard to believe is that there is not a single child in all of Bulgaria's orphanages that fits our sex and age range, as well as ALLLLLLLLLLLLLLL the special needs that we are open to. We're open to so many that USCIS couldn't print it on the approval letter.
Let me just say this. I know what some of you are thinking. It's not all about you. No, it's not. It's the fact that these kids are sitting day-in and day-out in these boxes with no one to love or care for them. So I apologize if I get a little worked-up. Bad girl! Why would you ever get ticked off about that.
I'm not just speaking on behalf of myself. I'm speaking on behalf of ALL those families that have entered this process voluntarily.
Also, be nice to your agency. Usually they have no control of what goes on 12 hours away. Imagine that. They're just the messenger. Don't kill the messenger.
4. Misinformation
We were told, by someone other than our agency personnel, at the beginning of this process that if we moved while trying to adopt that it would be a huge headache. They basically said, you're stuck until this happens. And lets face it..Memphis is not a place you want to be stuck. Ever. So we've been contemplating a move, now that Garry is on his own and can go where he pleases. We've been looking at two cities in particular and considered building houses in those cities (just one city, not in both) but never took another step because we were under the impression that a move would cripple our attempts to adopt and move us directly the bottom of the pile. Well, that's not true. So now we're here for another year.
This is partly our fault because we didn't get a second opinion. ALWAYS get a second opinion! An important life lesson. Right up there with "Brush your teeth" and "wash your clothes".
I feel now like a weight has been lifted. We don't have to put our lives on hold anymore. We were stuck and now we're not. Amen to that.
Little baby steps. Tiny little baby steps.
To sum-up. International adoption is not for the faint of heart. It better be something you're 100% sure about before you even begin.
We are all updated in BG, so we're back to waiting now.
So...what I'm about to say may seem a little rude. I don't mean to offend anyone or upset anyone, but being that this is my blog I should be able to say what I want. Correction, I will say what I want.
International Adoption sucks. No I don't mean the principle. No I don't mean the idea. I mean the actual execution of adopting. I don't mean this post to criticize governments or be a Debbie Downer. I simply want people to know the reality. It ain't pretty. If you can read this and still feel led to adopt internationally then I think you've had a "God calling" as such.
You should also know that I am not addressing this to those who have been unable to get pregnant and have adopted internationally by choice after going through a horrendous diagnosis. I DO NOT and WILL NOT pretend to have any idea how you feel/felt. The following is not for you and I would advise that you stop reading now.
Now that I am done with all the disclaimers, (occupational hazard of being an attorneys wife) we can move on.
1. The Pre-Adoption process
From the home study, to waiting for USCIS approval, from updating medicals and FBI clearance letters to fingerprinting. The "pre-process" of international adoption is ridiculous. Garry and I joke (but we're really actually serious) that everyone who gives birth should be required to complete the same requirements as those who adopt. I bet a million bucks people would be thinking twice about having babies.
-Provide all health insurance information: 800,000 people down
-Provide all life insurance information: 600,000 people down
-Provide background checks from every state and country that you have resided in for more than 6 months- 700,000 people down
-Provide your household budget as well as all monetary holdings: 500,000 down
You get my point. Filing out paperwork vs birth control. Which is easier? and cheaper?
2. The Waiting
Waiting is a pain in the butt. We all know this. You never hear someone say in an enthusiastic voice, "I can wait to go the Hawaii!!!!!!"
As Americans, in particular, we've grown up in a society of instant gratification. And although we "A"types complain about our governments efficiency, compared to the foreign governments of those countries, we're smooth as butter and they're like trying to rub nuts on toast.
Basically we get everything in what? 10-12 weeks. I would like a passport. That will be 10-12 weeks. I would like a FBI clearance letter please. That will be 10-12 weeks.
Foreign adoption is NOT, I mean NOT like this. To get something in 10-12 weeks is like raising Lazarus from the dead. It rarely happens. It took 4 months for us to get translated and registered with the country last year!
Garry and I have known half a dozen people or more, just in our church, who have started and completed domestic adoptions within 6-9 months. No seriously, I have girlfriend that got a kid after being registered for a month! I should say that none of them have had issues with birth mothers or dead-beat dads coming out of the wood work. What we always supposed about domestic adoption is not true. We met with a guy from church who handles all the dom. adoptions for this area. He told us we could easily have a child in less than a year.
However, we didn't want to go down the baby route again. My youngest had colic until 16 months and still doesn't sleep. Enough said on that.
He said the likelihood of getting a 12 month old or even a 2 year old was far-fetched.
Not to mention we have felt drawn to BG for a long time. It's not something that you just give up on because the road gets rough, and winding, and steep, and curvy, and holey (Is that a word?)
We still know we belong to this.
3. Trust (Faith)
I recently told my social worker, who is all-incompassingly encouraging, that I had complete trust in her and our agency. I know we made the right choice as far as that goes.
I also told her that I had faith that God has obviously brought us to this place to teach us something and that He will eventually deliver.
I did, however, tell her that I DID NOT trust the BGs. I have no reason to. They've given me no reason to. I don't know them. We've not friends that hang out at the local pub together. All I know is that foreign governments (all of them) change their minds like shoes. One day, you will be guaranteed that you will have a referral in 18-24 months. The very next day, you will be told to be prepared to raise that to 24-36 months. One day you're told that referrals are given based on compatibility with the adoptive parents and that how long you've been "registered" doesn't matter as much. The next day you're told that if you haven't been registered for at least 18 months then you will not get a referral. Shoes. Lots and lots of shoes.
What I find hard to believe is that there is not a single child in all of Bulgaria's orphanages that fits our sex and age range, as well as ALLLLLLLLLLLLLLL the special needs that we are open to. We're open to so many that USCIS couldn't print it on the approval letter.
Let me just say this. I know what some of you are thinking. It's not all about you. No, it's not. It's the fact that these kids are sitting day-in and day-out in these boxes with no one to love or care for them. So I apologize if I get a little worked-up. Bad girl! Why would you ever get ticked off about that.
I'm not just speaking on behalf of myself. I'm speaking on behalf of ALL those families that have entered this process voluntarily.
Also, be nice to your agency. Usually they have no control of what goes on 12 hours away. Imagine that. They're just the messenger. Don't kill the messenger.
4. Misinformation
We were told, by someone other than our agency personnel, at the beginning of this process that if we moved while trying to adopt that it would be a huge headache. They basically said, you're stuck until this happens. And lets face it..Memphis is not a place you want to be stuck. Ever. So we've been contemplating a move, now that Garry is on his own and can go where he pleases. We've been looking at two cities in particular and considered building houses in those cities (just one city, not in both) but never took another step because we were under the impression that a move would cripple our attempts to adopt and move us directly the bottom of the pile. Well, that's not true. So now we're here for another year.
This is partly our fault because we didn't get a second opinion. ALWAYS get a second opinion! An important life lesson. Right up there with "Brush your teeth" and "wash your clothes".
I feel now like a weight has been lifted. We don't have to put our lives on hold anymore. We were stuck and now we're not. Amen to that.
Little baby steps. Tiny little baby steps.
To sum-up. International adoption is not for the faint of heart. It better be something you're 100% sure about before you even begin.
Wednesday, February 8, 2012
Update done!
Still waiting...no news...finally have all paperwork done and sent off to our agency for proofing then off to Bulgaria it goes for translation and such.
I pray we have something sooner rather than later.
I pray we have something sooner rather than later.
Thursday, December 1, 2011
Homestudy Update
So we are approaching our renewal date for the Homestudy so we've begun the paperwork process again. We did up our age to 3.5. It seemed the natural thing to do with he referral process taking so long. Not to mention Mia will be 3.5 in November so she will still be older than Samuel. We debated adopting out of birth order but after consideration and advice from other sources we decided against it, as far as the USCIS goes. If we see a child older than approved we can always do an addendum later.
The girls have had a great time in school this year. Halloween is coming up so the costume thing has been exhausted to the max already. Lily has a clown parade Friday so mommy is less than enthused about being within 2 feet of clowns!! I hate clowns!
So, I wrote the above back in Oct and it is Dec 1st today! Wow time flies.
We finished our update. Check.
We had Thanksgiving with my family down in Mississippi. Check.
Now we are back in school and counting down the days until Christmas. (The girls - to get gifts, Me - so they stop asking when Christmas is)
We put the Christmas tree up this past weekend and a few other decorations. We don't put many up. We're not the Griswalds but we're not the Grinch either. Just think if it takes 4 hours to hang lights on a house then it will take that long to take them down. :)
Christmas is coming up...It breaks my heart to know that Samuel will spend another Christmas in an orphanage. I try not to think about it but, hey, who am I kidding?
Just praying this will be the last Christmas he spends in a orphanage. I am very thankful for all the families that will be bringing kids home before Christmas and shortly after, the sooner, the better.
The girls have had a great time in school this year. Halloween is coming up so the costume thing has been exhausted to the max already. Lily has a clown parade Friday so mommy is less than enthused about being within 2 feet of clowns!! I hate clowns!
So, I wrote the above back in Oct and it is Dec 1st today! Wow time flies.
We finished our update. Check.
We had Thanksgiving with my family down in Mississippi. Check.
Now we are back in school and counting down the days until Christmas. (The girls - to get gifts, Me - so they stop asking when Christmas is)
We put the Christmas tree up this past weekend and a few other decorations. We don't put many up. We're not the Griswalds but we're not the Grinch either. Just think if it takes 4 hours to hang lights on a house then it will take that long to take them down. :)
Christmas is coming up...It breaks my heart to know that Samuel will spend another Christmas in an orphanage. I try not to think about it but, hey, who am I kidding?
Just praying this will be the last Christmas he spends in a orphanage. I am very thankful for all the families that will be bringing kids home before Christmas and shortly after, the sooner, the better.
Tuesday, August 16, 2011
School's In!
Well summer is drawing to a close...even the weather is cooler..(90s instead of 100s ;)
Lily started school last week and has loved every day so far. Her teacher has emailed us reports on her behavior and adjustment everyday and so far Lily has been given nothing but praise.
She starts soccer practice tonight and is so excited to get back into the swing of things that she was up at 6:15 this morning!!!
Mia starts her MDO in Sept. and mommy is looking forward to a break.
We are in the process of trying to sell our house (haven't signed the contract yet) and move closer to town so that we can be near Garry's office and our church.
Nothing on the adoption yet, though we are getting everything ready to update our USCIS approval. It's not due until December but we would like to get things done now and not have to wait.
Also, we are praying and considering raising our adoption age from 2 to 3. Originally we had plans to keep birth order, well now that Mia is over 3 and we realize that we probably have another few years to go before we get a referral, that we would like them all to be closer in age. This is not set in stone, and we have inquired whether this would shorter our wait time. If it would not shorter the wait time then we would not pursue it.
Pray that we listen to our hearts and not our impatience.
Lily started school last week and has loved every day so far. Her teacher has emailed us reports on her behavior and adjustment everyday and so far Lily has been given nothing but praise.
She starts soccer practice tonight and is so excited to get back into the swing of things that she was up at 6:15 this morning!!!
Mia starts her MDO in Sept. and mommy is looking forward to a break.
We are in the process of trying to sell our house (haven't signed the contract yet) and move closer to town so that we can be near Garry's office and our church.
Nothing on the adoption yet, though we are getting everything ready to update our USCIS approval. It's not due until December but we would like to get things done now and not have to wait.
Also, we are praying and considering raising our adoption age from 2 to 3. Originally we had plans to keep birth order, well now that Mia is over 3 and we realize that we probably have another few years to go before we get a referral, that we would like them all to be closer in age. This is not set in stone, and we have inquired whether this would shorter our wait time. If it would not shorter the wait time then we would not pursue it.
Pray that we listen to our hearts and not our impatience.
Thursday, June 16, 2011
Good News
I heard from our agency yesterday that they had received a referral for a 2 year old, healthy male. Woo Hoo! This is what we've been waiting for...news that healthy young children are being referred.
He is not ours of course but I know that whoever his parents are they are delighted beyond words!
Summer Update:
The girls and I just returned from visiting family and friends in MS. We caught a nasty stomach virus but are back to normal.
Lily started her summer school at our church...a MDO programs that meets twice a week at our church. She is having a great time! Mommy enjoys just being with Mia for those days.
It's funny how that second child always seems to get less attention. You don't mean for them to but for a whole 26 months it was just Lily and me...It's never been just Mia and me.
Don't worry I don't think she is any worse the wear for it. She functions quite fine...and quite loudly.
We are still hoping her speech improves before the Fall. She is talking much more than before the tubes but is still not where she needs to be for a 3 year old. Speaking of, Mia had her Princess birthday party! Our friends came over and we had ice cream cake and opened presents before Mia decided she wanted to go to bed (it was at night).
Garry and I leave for our yearly "together" trip on the 4th. We're so excited just to have time to relax and be together. Something I highly recommend to all couples, particularly if you have children!
We're going to the Dominican Republic. Never been...so we will see. We've been to Antigua and the British Virgin Islands. (Skip Antigua until they get the airport redone, LOVe Love the BVI)
He is not ours of course but I know that whoever his parents are they are delighted beyond words!
Summer Update:
The girls and I just returned from visiting family and friends in MS. We caught a nasty stomach virus but are back to normal.
Lily started her summer school at our church...a MDO programs that meets twice a week at our church. She is having a great time! Mommy enjoys just being with Mia for those days.
It's funny how that second child always seems to get less attention. You don't mean for them to but for a whole 26 months it was just Lily and me...It's never been just Mia and me.
Don't worry I don't think she is any worse the wear for it. She functions quite fine...and quite loudly.
We are still hoping her speech improves before the Fall. She is talking much more than before the tubes but is still not where she needs to be for a 3 year old. Speaking of, Mia had her Princess birthday party! Our friends came over and we had ice cream cake and opened presents before Mia decided she wanted to go to bed (it was at night).
Garry and I leave for our yearly "together" trip on the 4th. We're so excited just to have time to relax and be together. Something I highly recommend to all couples, particularly if you have children!
We're going to the Dominican Republic. Never been...so we will see. We've been to Antigua and the British Virgin Islands. (Skip Antigua until they get the airport redone, LOVe Love the BVI)
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)